So I was bored today and I popped the Wii-Mote into the Guitar Hero controller, I popped Mario Kart Wii into the console, and I played Mario Kart Wii replacing the Wii Wheel with the Guitar Hero controller.
It’s like driving a semi truck.
Yeah… I’m weird.
So there’s this upcoming game for the Wii starring Donkey Kong and probably Diddy, Dixie, Funky, Tiny, Cranky, Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, and whatever other Kongs there are these days. It should be a pretty good game, like Donkey Kong 64 was… at least that’s what I thought before I played Mario Kart Wii.
I played as Donkey Kong on Mario Kart and I was horrified to find that they’ve turned him into… I daresay… an ape. He makes weird noises, like a female opera singer with a cat in her lungs. It’s depressing. They’ve really turned him into a moron.
Then I unlocked Funky Kong. Funky’s always played the role of the “cool” “California surfer” “dude” since his debut in Donkey Kong Country, but now, they’ve pushed that role too far. He’s really annoying.
Then I unlocked Diddy Kong. He’s the most normal, but he makes noises like Donkey Kong, just smaller. He’s quite annoying.
I hope they aren’t like this in the Wii Donkey Kong game.
I spend a lot of time playing Mario Kart Wii… a lot of time. Mostly in online battles where I tend to either get first, or dead last. That’s the problem with Mario Kart Wii. Here are the highlights of the problem:
Items: This game features many items that really help you when you’re in last place, most notably, and most problematic, the Bullet Bill. You can be in last place, by a lot, and still win at the last second thanks to a Bullet Bill. Also, when you’re driving down the track, you can get knocked out by a Bullet Bill and it takes you about ten seconds to get back onto the track and going at a good pace again, which could easily cost you the entire race.
The rest of the items are just slightly irritating, like the POW Block, the Blooper, and the Blue Shell. These cause minor problems, but the Bullet Bill is really annoying.
Track Construction: There’s really only one major problem with track construction. Most tracks tend to make the Golden Mushroom completely useless – Wario’s Gold Mine, parts of DK Mountain, and most considerably, Rainbow Road. You can go off jumps on Rainbow Road with a Golden Mushroom and never land back on the track again.
Karts: The karts seem to go really slowly especially after you’re hit by a Bullet Bill, a blue shell, a banana peel, a red shell, a green shell, or any other obstruction. The characters spend about five seconds flailing around even if I’m pressing the acceleration button.
Despite all this, I still spend a lot of time playing Mario Kart Wii… a lot of time.
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