Boredom-Fueled Blog

First off, some thoughts on Guitar Hero 5: They’ve dropped the Roman numerals, probably because the majority of Guitar Hero players don’t know Roman numerals past three. Second – are they going to release this thing every year? Are people still buying these? The track listings get worse and worse with each installment, which is the perfect segue into the rest of this post…
They’ve already announced part of the track listing for Guitar Hero 5, and I must say I’m disappointed. I won’t be buying this game, and I wouldn’t buy it even if Activision payed me $50. I decided to help them out with Guitar Hero 6 (or VI):
Location 1: Your Garage. No cheering fans here, but after every song, your virtual mom comes in and serves Tang to your band.
Set List:
1. Blue Suede Shoes – Carl Perkins
2. Subterranean Homesick Blues – Bob Dylan
3. Johnny B. Goode – Chuck Berry
4. I Must Be in Love – the Rutles
5. I Saw Her Standing There (Live) – Paul McCartney
Location 2: Local Club. Every song ends with the sound of about five people clapping and one person booing you.
Set List:
1. Jungle Love – Steve Miller Band
2. She’s My Baby – Traveling Wilburys
3. You Really Got Me (Live) – The Kinks
4. Mrs. Robinson – Simon & Garfunkel
5. In The Flesh? – Pink Floyd
Location 3: A club in a big city. You have become the back-up band for a virtual singer. Each song ends with a decent amount of applause.
1. Green Onions – Booker T. and the MGs
2. Almost Cut My Hair – Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
3. Wah-Wah – George Harrison
4. Money – Pink Floyd
5. Black Dog – Led Zeppelin
Location 4: The set of the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien. This is your virtual big break. Every song ends with a decent amount of applause and at the end of the set Conan comes out and shakes your hand.
Set List:
1. Frankenstein (Live) – Phish
2. Parachute Woman (Live) – The Rolling Stones
3. The Simpsons Theme – Green Day
4. Break On Through (To the Other Side) – The Doors
5. My Generation – The Who
Location 5: An outdoor concert. Every song ends with a lot of applause.
Set List:
1. Walkin’ on the Sun – Smash Mouth
2. Happy Together – The Turtles
3. Any Way You Want It – Journey
4. This Ain’t the Summer of Love – Blue Oyster Cult
5. While My Guitar Gently Weeps – The Beatles
Location 6: A stadium. The world is now gripped with (your band’s name)mania. Every song ends with thunderous applause and cheering.
Set List:
1. Words of Love – Buddy Holly
2. Plug Me In – George Harrison featuring Eric Clapton
3. Medley: You Never Give Me your Money/Sun King/Mean Mr. Mustard/Polythene Pam/She Came in through the Bathroom Window/Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End – The Beatles
Location 7: The set of a commercial for Sierra Mist. Your virtual band has sold-out. Every song ends with the sound of the crew clapping. After the song, the commercial’s director can be seen approaching your band shaking his head angrily.
Set List:
1. N. S. U. – Cream
2. 12 Bar Blues – NRBQ
3. Ain’t That a Lot of Love – Taj Mahal
4. Handle with Care – Traveling Wilburys
5. King of the Hill Theme – The Refreshments
Location 8: A stadium. Since the events at Location 7, your virtual band has broken up and twenty years have passed. You are now doing your virtual reunion show at a stadium filled with your most dedicated fans. Each song ends with thunderous applause and cheering.
Set List:
1. Medley: Yer Blues/Yer Blues – Plastic Ono Band/The Dirty Mac
2. Rock and Roll – Led Zeppelin
3. Shot Gun Blues – The Blues Brothers
4. Layla – Derek & the Dominoes
5. White Room – Cream
There you go. That’s the basic career mode. Activision can throw in whatever garbage they want for bonus songs or whatever, but I expect to see these in Guitar Hero 6. That I’d buy.

Nintendo Guitar Hero, Lists

Dwight Schrute and Andy Bernard, played by Rainn Wilson and Ed Helms. Earlier in the series, both Dwight and Andy had been established as musicians – Dwight on recorder and guitar (“Take Your Daughter To Work Day”) and Andy on banjo (“The Convict”) – but they never really played together until “The Michael Scott Paper Company” in season five. At first, they’re competing for the new receptionist’s attention, but before long, they’re playing “Take Me Home, Country Roads” together. This could be a great album; they could throw in a few musical cameos by other people from the office: Michael on tambourine, Creed on guitar, Darryl on keyboards, etc. Suggested band name: The Beet-les.

K. K. Slider. K. K. Slider is that dog character from Animal Crossing who (in “City Folk”) plays songs at the museum’s cafe on Saturday nights between eight and midnight. He never sings any lyrics, only meeps and beeps, and his guitar sometimes sounds like a piano, but he’s still better than most of the bands around today.

Conan O’Brien with the Max Weinberg 7. During the Writer’s Strike of ’07-’08, Conan got bored, or didn’t have enough real material, or something, so he started singing a song with the Max Weinberg 7 once in a while to fill time. Conan would play guitar; they’d usually play an old rock tune from the ’50s and Conan would tell his at-home audience to go wake grandma and grandpa (but don’t “startle them”), because “Conan’s gonna play a number with the band.”
UPDATE: It has happened, my friends. Conan (with the help of Jack White) has released a live album of classic rock songs and modern alternative songs, featuring the Legally Prohibited Band (formerly “The Max Weinberg 7″).

Windows XP. If you’ve seen that cool viral video of the guy who made an entire song using only sounds from Windows XP and 98 you know what I’m talking about. Other cool sound effects: the window-pane crashing sound from Hearts, the “TADA” sound, and vocals by Microsoft Sam.

The Three-Headed Broadway Star. What’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys and has less musical talent than a barrel of monkeys? It’s the three-headed Broadway star from “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” featuring a rotating cast of Wayne Brady, Chip Esten, Brad Sherwood, Drew Carey, Ryan Stiles, David Hasselhoff, Whoopi Goldberg, Jerry Springer and Colin Mochrie. In this skit three performers must sing a song one word at a time. This is particularly funny with Drew Carey as the third head because he often sings a completely unexpected and unrelated word. Bonus Track: That one Irish Drinking Song where Colin says “Me-ow” and they have to stop the song because everyone’s laughing too hard.

Music Conan O'Brien, Lists, The Office

“Shoulda, but didn’t.” – Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel. I say this almost every time somebody says the word “should’ve.” Original context: This quote originates from “The Twisted World of Marge Simpson” where Cletus gets 300 free pretzels thanks to 300 free-pretzel coupons. Marge says, “Hmm… I should’ve put, ‘Limit one per customer’” and Cletus says in his southern tone, “Shoulda, but didn’t.” Example: “I should’ve washed the dog.” “Shoulda, but didn’t.”

“Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.” – Homer. I use this quote any time I or someone around me fails at something. Original context: This quote is from “Burns’ Heir” when neither Bart or Lisa were chosen as Burns’ heir. Example: “I can’t believe I just got last place in the 100-meter dash.” “The lesson is: never try.”

“Money can be exchanged for goods and services.” – Homer’s Brain. I say this quote every time I go shopping. Original context: Homer wants peanuts but instead finds a twenty dollar bill. His brain explains a simple form of how the economy works.

“I bet I’ll get blamed for this.” – Mayor Quimby. Original context: After Mayor Quimby makes jokes about the French’s resemblance to frogs, they launch a nuclear warhead at Springfield. Seeing the warhead go by his office window, Quimby says this line. Example: I would say this line if I am obviously at fault for something such as knocking an expensive vase onto the floor or deleting the computer’s hard drive.

Television Lists, The Simpsons