Boredom-Fueled Blog

Last year I put Rolling Stone magazine to shame, by rattling off (off the top of my head) a string of albums released in 2010 that were lightyears better than any of the ones on their list. This year, I’ve decided to strike early, and preemptively put their list to shame, while hoping that maybe my list won’t be too far of from theirs.

Amazing Albums That Won’t Be on Rolling Stone‘s List
- Alpocalypse by “Weird Al” Yankovic. In this age when so much music is designed to make the listener feel depressed (that’s what rap is, right?), I’m very happy to have Weird Al around to keep the mood light. I’d argue that Alpocalypse is his best album ever, and much of it has already been burned into my mind so thoroughly that I’ll probably be in a nursing home someday wheezing, “You can have my styrofoam peanuts.”
- The Party Ain’t Over by Wanda Jackson. And what a party! This isn’t the kind of party you’d want to attend if you have sensitive ears because there will definitely be lots of blaring horns, powerful drums and Jack White’s signature dog-aggravating guitar solos, all of which serve as the perfect complement to Wanda Jackson’s trademark voice.
- You Can’t Teach an Old Dog New Tricks by Seasick Steve. If I had to pick one album to label the definitive best of 2011 I’d probably pick this one. It’s solid rock and roll, and it better be since it features John Paul Jones on a few songs – but don’t let that star power overshadow the real star of this album, Seasick Steve himself, who makes modern blues bands like The Black Keys sound like a sixth grade talent show.
- Middle Of Everywhere by Pokey LaFarge and The South City Three. Oh, sorry. There must be some mistake here. After listening to this album I’ve determined there’s absolutely no way this was recorded in 2011. But if it was, as it claims to have been, it certainly doesn’t sound that way. I’d guess that 1930 would be more accurate… impeccable sound quality for having been recorded 80 years ago (unless it truly was made in 2011, but that couldn’t be…).
- The Black Belles by The Black Belles. For me, at least, this was the most anticipated album of the year. The Black Belles released one mind-blowing single in early 2010, and then weren’t heard from until they received The Colbert Bump in June. Their debut, released in November, does not disappoint. The only complaint is, at a mere 29 minutes, it’s entirely too short.
- Mockingbird Time by The Jayhawks. This is classic Jayhawks, right here. Think Hollywood Town Hall, without “Waiting for the Sun,” but with all the other tracks heightened and strengthened. That’s Mockingbird Time.
- Sleep With One Eye Open by Chris Thile and Michael Daves. Upon first listen this minimalist-bluegrass masterpiece seems eerily flawless, almost to the point of being robotic in its perfection, but further listens reveal layers of grittiness (and even occasional sloppiness) that really make this album what it is: the best bluegrass album of 2011. (Sorry, Steve Martin.)
Albums That Weren’t Very Good (But Might Be on Rolling Stone‘s List Anyway)
Believe it or not, I didn’t love everything I heard in 2011. One album stands out in my mind as being quite disappointing:
- How To Become Clairvoyant by Robbie Robertson. Where The Black Belles’s album was too short, How To Become Clairvoyant was much too long. Although, I suppose time really has nothing to do with it; fifty-nine minutes will fly by if the music you’re listening to is good, but this album was kind of dull (although it had a couple nice moments) and ultimately boring.
Amazing Albums That Probably Will Be on Rolling Stone‘s List
- Wild Flag by Wild Flag. I’m not going to pretend that this is the “girl punk” album I’ve been waiting for, or that I’ve been a fan of Sleater-Kinney since ’98, or that I’d even heard of any of Wild Flag’s members before I read a post on a Phish forum that convinced me to buy this album. All I know is that my ears like good music, and my ears like this.
- Helplessness Blues by Fleet Floxes. Let’s face it. This is gonna be number one on Rolling Stone‘s list and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. If this album doesn’t receive the top spot that it deserves, I’m going to seriously begin doubting Rolling Stone‘s authority. (Leave Queen and Pink Floyd off the 100 Greatest Artists list: okay. Fail to name Helplessness Blues the best album of 2011: we have a problem.)
- Rome by Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi.Whether you’re a fan of spaghetti western soundtracks, Jack White, Norah Jones, or people named after rodents this album is sure to please you – or, at least, give you the most peaceful nap of your life.
- Hot Sauce Committee Part Two by Beastie Boys. A little context: the only other Beastie Boys album I own is Licensed to Ill, and, if memory serves, I only bought this one because it was $3.99 on Amazon, but I’m glad I did. I was planning on saying that this was an example of “good hip-hop,” but, apparently it’s so good that (at least according to Wikipedia) it had to be classified as “alternative hip-hop”.
Albums I Never Got Around to Hearing…
I’m only one man. Rolling Stone magazine is a giant faceless monster with many limbs, so naturally they get around to hearing a lot more music in any given year than I do. Here’s a few albums that are up in the air:
- So Beautiful or So What by Paul Simon. I’ve never been able to listen to Simon sans Garfunkel, so this album wasn’t a major priority for me, but I heard good things.
- Smile by The Beach Boys. I’m curious to see whether this will make Rolling Stone‘s list because they seem to have a love affair with The Beach Boys (having named Pet Sounds the second greatest album ever), but this album wasn’t actually recorded in 2011.
- Lulu by Lou Reed and Metallica. I haven’t heard this yet, and I haven’t read any reviews! I’m super excited by this unlikely yet promising match-up! I can’t wait to hear what will definitely not be an outrageously self-indulgent drone!

Well. There you have it. Your move, Rolling Stone magazine. Your move.

Lists, Music

If you had told me on June 1, 2009, that Conan O’Brien would only be the host of “The Tonight Show” for seven months, I would’ve called you crazy, but I probably would’ve taped (yes, on VHS) every last episode. Give-or-take five hours per tape, it would’ve only taken thirty tapes to contain the complete “Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien.” Regrettably, I did not know Conan’s “Tonight Show” stint would be so short, so the only episode I have on tape are his first, his entire last week, and the two-weeks-and-four-days of re-runs NBC aired after his last show. So, I got some classic moments in television history on tape, but I also missed some. Here are some moments I’m proud to say I have on tape, and also some moments that will eventually fade in my memory and be lost to time.

Five Conan “Tonight Show” Moments I’m Glad I Got on Tape
1. Carrying on in the great tradition of dogs on Conan’s show – evil puppy, the Really Tall Dachshund, and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog – are Puppies Dressed as Cats. Part of the brilliance of Conan is that he can get a crowd to go completely insane for something you might otherwise only grin slightly at, be it a vomiting Muppet, a spinning wedding ring, or a puppy dressed as a cat.
2. Wax Tom Cruise and Wax Fonzie get shot out of a cannon. Now here’s something you don’t see every day: poorly constructed wax likenesses of Tom Cruise and the Fonz being shot out of giant cannons. But don’t worry: if they hit their targets (two bean bag chairs) they’ll be just fine… (Spoiler: they miss the targets and are horribly mangled.)
3. When I first knew that the “Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” was going to be consistently amazing was when Conan went guitar shopping with Slash. This is a classic piece of Conan goodness: Conan being Conan – with Slash. I can’t tell who I’m more jealous of: Conan for getting to hang out with Slash, or Slash for getting to hang out with Conan.
4. Is there anything more exciting for a live studio audience than a walk-on. If you had to think of two celebrities – any celebrities – to do a double-walk-on, who would you think of? You’re thinking of William Shatner and Sarah Palin, right? There’s probably no more famous walk-on from Conan’s historic seven months than the time when William Shatner read excerpts from Palin’s autobiography in the style of a beat-poet, and, much to Shatner’s apparent surprise, she did the same to him.
5. If I someday decide to upload my old Conan tapes to YouTube (or “YouTwitFace,” if it comes to that) there’s one clip you wouldn’t be seeing. The Bugatti Veyron Mouse can not legally be shown on the Internet. Due to the licensing fees for the mouse’s theme song (“(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”) NBC pulled the clip from NBC.com, Hulu, YouTube, and any other semi-legal video streaming website. So, this rare clip belongs to the people who had enough foresight to get it on tape.

More recent gems I have on tape: the “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” that aired after Conan’s last “Tonight Show,” Jay Leno’s appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Conan O’Brien’s appearance on “60 Minutes.”

Five Conan “Tonight Show” Moments I Wish I Had on Tape
1. When I heard that NBC would air re-runs for 2+ weeks after Conan’s last show, the one episode that came to mind was when the Newark Feud was resolved. Surprisingly (or not), NBC did not air the episode in which Newark Mayor Cory Booker appeared and patched things up with Conan. I think that this is because NBC didn’t want to show Conan’s generosity in donating $50,000 out of his own pocket right after they had essentially fired him. That’s just my thought as to why this episode wasn’t re-aired and one with… Joel McHale… was.
2. What better way to celebrate Halloween than destroying the world’s largest pumpkin with a monster truck named “Grave Digger”! I’d like to see Jay Leno do that. This is what good television is made of.
3. One of my favorite things about Conan’s shows was the viewer involvement, not just for the studio audience, but also for the people watching at home. When I first started watching Conan ’round about 2003 or 2004, he was doing some bit, and all I remember about it was that you could send in “Grub Man costume ideas” and they’d send you a button that said “I’m a Conan Cost-Cutter.” (I wish I’d done that – those buttons would be worth hundreds of cents today.) So Conan really went all out with his Conan, Please Blow Up My Car! contest, where viewers were asked to send in video of their car, if they thought it was the worst car in America. The winner gets a brand new car, but more importantly, they get their car blown up (with the perpetually blown-up wax Fonzie in the front seat).
4. Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not some sick weirdo who gets pleasure from witnessing head injuries, but Conan’s concussion had to be one of the most memorable moments from his show, and, sadly, I didn’t get it on tape. When they eventually release a “best-of” for Conan’s “Tonight Show,” they should include as bonus material the unaired portion of the episode leading up to Conan’s slip.
5. Surprisingly, I don’t have a single “In The Year 3000″ on one of my tapes. [Note: I notice myself becoming one of those crazy people who's always talking about "their tapes."] Without “In The Year 3000″ I don’t have what may possibly be my single favorite joke from the show’s seven months: “A popular female singer and a world renowned classical cellist will be involved in a controversy involving motorcycles in Los Cabos, Mexico, prompting the New York Post headline: Lady Gaga and Yo-Yo Ma in Baha Yamaha Brouhaha!” That one really makes you think.

More recent gems I wish I had on tape: Jay Leno’s first “Tonight Show” back, Andy Richter co-hosting “Live with Regis and Kelly,” the “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” where Kimmel spent the whole show dressed as Leno.

Lists, Television Conan O'Brien

People – and when I say “people” I mean people like me who have a lot of free time to actually think about such things – often come up with lists of the best episodes of their favorite TV shows. Well, “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” was one of my favorite TV shows ever and I did see every episode, so I thought I’d make a list of my favorites.

9. Episode 9: June 11, 2009.
Guests: Norm MacDonald, Jim Gaffigan, Neko Case.
In this episode’s pre-recorded remote piece, Conan is joined by Slash to help him buy a guitar on Craigslist. They visit several homes including one in which Conan plays “Till There Was You” on a heavy metal double guitar. Eventually they arrive at the home of the creepiest person I’ve ever seen on television whom Conan immediately assumes is a murderer. The episode rolls on with Norm MacDonald’s appearance, and, as we all know, you can’t go wrong with Norm. His traditional TV parodies include a remake of “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ called “Norm Plus 1.” There’s a pretty funny clip of Conan recording promos for the affiliates where Norm keeps interrupting to mock Conan.

8. Episode 107: November 18, 2009.
Guests: Seth Green, Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt, Brian Setzer Orchestra.
I have never, in all my years of sitting around and watching TV, seen a talk show studio audience openly “boo” a guest. I’ve heard one or two people “boo” and the rest of the audience applaud, but I’ve never seen an entire audience “boo” at the very mention of a guest’s name: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. The incredibly annoying reality TV couple provided one of Conan’s funniest interviews ever, in which Conan tries so hard to not make fun of them. (The next night, guest Anderson Cooper expressed disbelief that Conan would ever interview the pair.) It should be noted that The Brian Setzer Orchestra played a great performance from their album, “Songs from Lonely Avenue,” which I recommend.

7. Episode 120: December 8, 2009.
Guests: Josh Brolin, Tillie the Dog Artist, Chad Daniels.
After a hilarious “Tiger Woods Joke Caddy” bit, a pretty funny “Celebrity Survey,” and a funny, but forgettable, interview with Josh Brolin we come to Tillie the Dog Artist: the ultimate “Stupid Pet Trick” and the reason this episode is on this list. The segment starts with Tillie’s owner explaining what Tillie does: basically scratches and bites a piece of carbon paper to make “art.” Conan shows some of Tillie’s previous works of art (which sell for thousands of dollars), and they’re mildly impressive. Next, Conan gives Tillie the dog a piece of blank carbon paper to create a masterpiece right there, on the air. Tillie spends most of the rest of the interview gnawing on one corner of the paper and barking at her owner (whom Conan rightly accuses of taking all of Tillie’s income for himself). The interview with Tillie the Dog Artist should go down as one of Conan’s greatest “Tonight Show” moments; in thirty years when PBS airs “Conan O’Brien’s Greatest ‘Tonight Show’ Moments” they should definitely air this under-rated piece of comedy gold.

6. Episode 1: June 1, 2009.
Guests: Will Ferrell, Pearl Jam.
First episode or not, this is a fantastic hour of television. It opens with the same title card many of Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show” episodes, foreshadowing the way Conan’s year would be reminiscent of Carson’s thirty years. We begin with Conan making sure he did everything on his checklist, and he did… except for moving to L. A. After being unable to catch a New York cab he decides to run to L. A. as Cheap Trick’s “Surrender” plays (great song choice). He runs past Amish country, Wrigley Field, and a creepy doll museum before finally arriving at the studio only to find that he forgot his keys in New York… so he bulldozes his way into the studio. And all that before the theme song even begins! The episode continues with a great remote segment where Conan goes on a Universal Tram Tour and mocks the killer from “Psycho” for committing a murder in a flannel shirt in broad daylight. In the next segment we learn that Conan has brought his famous 1992 Ford SHO to California. In the last memorable segment of the episode, Will Ferrell enters as an Egyptian pharaoh would.

5. Episode 89: October 16, 2009.
Guests: Cory Booker, Max Records, Dashboard Confessional. Most people will remember this episode because it was when Conan’s Newark Feud was resolved, but let’s not forget that it also featured Triumph the Insult Comic Dog visiting a dog boutique. That said, the best, most memorable part of this episode was Conan’s interview with Newark, New Jersey, Mayor Cory Booker. To catch you up, in case you’ve forgotten, Conan told a joke at Newark’s expense, Cory Booker banned Conan from Newark, Conan banned Booker from the L. A. airport, Conan gained support from the area surrounding Newark, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told the pair to settle the feud, and then we arrive at this episode. Conan promises to stop making fun of Newark (choosing to target Detroit instead); Mayor Booker admits he is a fan of Conan’s show; Conan and his wife donate $50,000 to the Newark city fund. (The donation was matched by NBC.) Feud resolved!

4. Episode 123: December 11, 2009.
Guests: Zach Braff, Bear Grylls, Tony Bennett.
Some episodes (of this, or any TV show) have good starts and bad endings or vice versa, but Episode 123 is pure gold from start to finish. After the monologue, master thespian William Shatner reads excerpts from Sarah Palin’s autobiography as if he were a beatnik poet. Much to Shatner’s surprise, Sarah Palin herself shows up to read excerpts from Shatner’s autobiography. After the commercial break, Conan performs an apology song to Diane Sawyer for not congratulating her on her promotion to “World News” anchor. Next, Conan interviews Zach Braff; I haven’t watched this interview since it aired, but I still remember thinking, “This is a fantastic interview. Best ever? Maybe.” I’ll have to go back and watch it. (Note: I happen to have this episode on VHS tape, as I recorded Conan’s last week of shows and the three weeks of reruns that followed.) The episode closes with Tony Bennett’s annual Christmas performance, a superb, jazzy version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

3. Episode 144: January 20, 2010.
Guests: Adam Sandler, Joel McHale, Joss Stone with Raphael Saadiq. In Conan’s last week on the air, things got really memorable: surprise appearances, big name guests, basically pulling out all the stops. This episode’s surprise appearance: Ed Helms, who sings Conan a version of “Stu’s Song” from “The Hangover” with different lyrics pertaining to Conan’s situation. This episode’s big name guest: Adam Sandler, a friend of Conan’s, who recounts when he was fired from NBC (complete with a Chris Farley impression that still makes me laugh). This episode’s stop pulled out: The Bugatti Veyron Mouse. This sketch gives me goosebumps every time I watch it. It’s solid rebellion against authority ground into one minute of greatness. Plus, this segment was pulled from the Internet because of the expensive song (“Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones) featured in it, which makes my VHS copy a bona fide bootleg.

2. Episode 146: January 22, 2010.
Guests: Tom Hanks, Will Ferrell, Neil Young.
The last show… the last time Conan ever spent $65 million of NBC’s money in a minute-long sketch… the last time Steve Carell conducted Conan’s exit interview… the last time Tom Hanks showed up drunk on soda and gave Conan stick-on sideburns. Conan’s memorable seven months is capped off with Neil Young performing “Long May You Run,” Conan giving a completely classy farewell speech, and Will Ferrell (joined by the Tonight Show Band, Billy Gibbons, Beck, Ben Harper, and Conan) performing the best version of “Free Bird” I’ve ever heard.

1. Episode 111: November 26, 2009.
Guests: PeeWee Herman, Donald Faison, Bon Jovi.
Here it is – my pick for the best episode of “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien.” To me, it has a very homey feel, for some reason… you get the feeling that the entire staff is like a big family, being that they spent Thanksgiving together… Anyway, I have an equation for you: Jordan Schlansky + Pierre Bernard + Wing Pang + Conan O’Brien = awesomeness. I’m not sure I laughed harder during Conan’s entire “Tonight Show” run than during the Thanksgiving dinner between these four guys. Later in the show, PeeWee Herman organizes a Thanksgiving play starring Conan, Andy and LaBamba. The episode closes with a performance by Bon Jovi, and who doesn’t like Bon Jovi? – besides Jon Bovi. Puppies Dressed as Thanksgiving Dinner is the whipped cream on the Thanksgiving pie that is this incredible hour of television.

Lists, Television Conan O'Brien